why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
