I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
