; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
