peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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