If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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