you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
