It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
