Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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