Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
