Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sober January is a disaster.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
