They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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