Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
