I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
