I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
