I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
