new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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