I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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