1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
