I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
