is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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