can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
