he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
