whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
