Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
