i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
