I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
