I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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