I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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