You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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