I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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