so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
