Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
