Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
