great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize