She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
