So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
