I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
