On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
