I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
