Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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