Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
