Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
