Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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