Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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