just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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