We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
