she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
