I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
farters have to be the big spoon...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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