doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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