This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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