I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
