Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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