sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
