I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
