I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
