Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
