i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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