i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize