So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
