What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize