you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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