Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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