So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
