Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
