i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
