Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
