Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
