So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
