I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
