Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
