I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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