sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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