plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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