God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize