Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
