i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
