did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
