We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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