Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
