my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
