When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am one with the molecules
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
