i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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