my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
