my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
