He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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