so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
