i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
