I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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