someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
