i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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