3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
