I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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