god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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