I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
