Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She even gives head with a lisp.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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