Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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