Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
