So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
