Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
