false alarm. still invincible.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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