Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
