Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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