There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
