Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
