Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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