I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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