I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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