Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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