do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
