What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
