I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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