if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
