Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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