so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
