i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I need to stop coming to work sober
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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