You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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